October week before Half Term

Well what can I say I am at a losing battle saw my gp to get physio done on my right foot as its not been the same since my fall. She says the tenders have not healed. So am waiting on the appointment now.
Keep getting a phone call from Renault but said I am still waiting on my response from DLA just hope they will give it to me for life and not another 3 yrs. Its so frustrating as I know what car I want and the price its good but can't do anything till I get a response from them.
The guy said he would try again in a few weeks time I am getting slightly peed off by this as I am sure once I get the letter I will contact them.

Got 2 weeks till I see Louise my dietian and not looking forward to it as I have put on weight. Which is so pissing me off no matter what I do nothing works. It doesn't help when I can't just go for a walk as its painful with my foot and now my back. I woke at 2 am this morning to take some morphine I am still in pain now.
Its got cold and damp now winter on its way. I am getting fed up withdrawn wondering whether to go back on my antidepressants as it was a year ago I was given them. think being off them hasn't help I was losing weight when I was taking them and think maybe for the best I go back on them as I am not getting anywhere with getting pregnant as I have put on weight and I would want to try and lose weight first and then try. Making love is not the same its all about making a baby and not just being together. Do think we need a break from it we can't try this month as got my niece coming to stay for half term and that's the week I am fertile and I ovulate also.

I think with being back on the tablets I would be more focus on going to the gym and not spending my time sleeping during the day like I did yesterday mind you I was not well. Was sad I couldn't go to my best friends hen do last night couldn't afford to get down as it would of been the fast train to London then the hs1 down as that way I wouldn't need to use the underground one good thing about living in Rugby.

I have been busy making some Christmas cards and stitching as well as finishing the novel fifty shades am on the last book. Have a list long as my arm of books I have brought to read then I may get myself a kindle as well getting hubby one.

Well got the wedding on Friday got my lovely cousin doing my hair for it and legs and nails being done on Tuesday just got to sort shoes out now.

November 2015

It's been quite some time since I wrote here and we'll lots have happened been 6 yrs since I married my beloved who is still strong in supporting me and we have a fur baby the most lovable hard working dog she's changed my life so muchshe loves her work enjoys going places I get out everyday I can't thank the charity Dogs for good enough it's been a year since we qualified. She's amazing gets the washing out the machine she's getting so good at it now.

Still have back pain not had anymore treatment having Reena has helped me to keep mobile so I'm not so stiff. We are still trying to have children I have PCOS it's mild and have a period each month but explains why I have facial hair it's a nightmare to keep short when I remember to get it waxed it's not so bad. I've put on a lot of weight after reading through my old posts I'm shocked I've put on 5 stone since 07. I'm working hard at the gym where I get it paid for as it helps with my back swimming twice a week loving it as I get to sit in the hot tub afterwards before my carer shows up. I now have 3 calls a day which is really making a difference keeping my utis at bay but my Dr after a bladder pressure test wants to put a TvT in but I have to have children first. I can't have ivf have to be a bmi 30 and can't be over 40 and soon to be 38 time is ticking by
Not helped with being struck down with a cold since our holiday to Wales 3 weeks ago. I need to check in more often it's been an interesting read and to see what I weighed 7 yrs ago. Trouble is living on your own away from mum who would always make sure I was eating right now I can do what I like I don't like this control of my own food. As I always get it wrong.

Well that was a brief up date on me let's hope I carry on checking in.

September 2012

Wow 7 months since I last was here have to say it has been a busy year with tests and hospital appointments.

I have had the bladder tests and been told I have stress incontinence and been given tablets to stop the leaking. I was put on 5mls but they weren't helping so when I had my check up 4 months from the tests they increased it to 10mls. I gave it a go and sadly that worked too well I was finding it hard to wee. So I have now gone back to 5mls. I would rather wee than not at all. I have been used to wearing pads now for 5 years and I shall carry on with that as well as doing pelvic floor exercises.

I am now back at living well ok its a good hour on the bus and then to collect my car from hubby's work but I have enjoyed being back managed to get back to swimming an hour till the buses were being late I stopped going and due to this I put on weight. I had a fall about 6 weeks ago and went to A&E nothing broken just had a badly sprained right ankle which hasn't healed. Its painful to walk on and that was the leg supoorting my left leg so waslking now is even harder.

I have a walker and wheelchair the walker is great not used the wheelchair as can't get it out of the flat. Now that is another thing to add had a report done on my living accommodation  my OT and the flat is no longer suitable as I find it hard to get my walker or wheelchair out. As we have a huge step up into the flat.

So we filled a form out for the council had to appeal for them to understand my condition and that I need to move and need a 2 bed ground floor or bungalow. I have a carer in everyday which is great to some time getting used to someone doing things for me that wasn't my husband. But it has taken pressure of him we don't argue as much now he can relax when I am home alone knowing someone is popping in to help me getting washed shower and dressed and help with breakfast. It has been a learning thing about what I can and can't really do.

Am now waiting to hear if we have been successful in bidding on a flat close to where hubby works.
I really do hope the will consider us for it but we have only been on the list for a bout 3 months and I know there are loads of other people who will be bidding on the flat. So I just keep praying that we will get it.

No news on my dog for the disabled only that I past the medical and awaiting an appointment to see them. Also waiting to hear back from the DLA people as I have had to renew mine and hope it doesn't take to long as I can order my new car in November.

No luck on getting pregnant that could be down to my weight so being back at living well and back in the gym part doing it slowly and only what I can do without hurting myself. But I managed it the other day felt really good with myself. So I have upgraded my membership to full time so I can go at weekends now and go just before hubby finishes work. So more flexibility in when I can go.

Well not much else to say back at the hospital for check ups in November I do have another disc gone on my right side but the Dr says the op my work but it may not its only 50/50 so I said no don't want another op with those odds.

Trying to keep busy made some wedding invitations for a friend and now working on my old projects now. I need to keep busy as that's when I eat is from borden .

Will try and keep this going reading back from the beg is quite scary as I am still not better and won't be my Dr did say if the nerves were going to grow back they would of done by now.

So time toe focus on getting pregnant and losing weight so I can.

Had an amazing weekend a few weeks back after my family cam back from OZ they were away for 6 weeks and had missed them all especially my niece. Week after they got back we had a family get together for my sisters 40th and my cousins as well so a joint do. Was really pleased they both liked the chocolate tree and retro bomb from Chocadoodledo can be found on facebook.

Feb 2012

Well I have a huge set back its now 5 years on and I am still seeing drs had an Mri scan Monday was bloody tight getting in as caused my left arm 3 days to recover as had both my arms above my head for 30mins. I have to wait 2 weeks for results just hope after all that they find something and also why am I still in pain. I have been put on morphine now can't do the gym as walking is painful and hard even though  they have changed my programme but its just to hard and I get home in pain especially if its cold and damp.

Also I have 2 bladder tests one called a Cystoscopy and bladder pressure test.
My weight has gone up which is not  great as this year we want  to have a baby. Time is running out for us I turn 34 this year and feel this will be our only chance if we leave it any later it might not be first tme it could take a few goes.

I am focus with losing weight but what can I do if i can't work out this is why I have put on.

Jan 2012

Well here we are another new year 2012 its going to be a busy year for the uk with the games and the queens diamond jubilee. But that aside we are now in my 5th year with CES and its not good news I have seen my Dr at Coventry uni hospital was there for 20 mins had many questions for him. He was shocked to learn it took them 3 months to find out what was wrong with me and to operate. He checked my legs and movement and then my reflexes on my knees but nothing and then said put your knee on the chair so he could try on my feet but nothing. 


He said 5 years on if I was to recovery I would have some nerves but he said but checking they are dead and won't grow back.
I sort of knew that would be the case but I wanted another Drs opinion. I am waiting for an MRI to see what is going on then look at pain management as he doesn't want to risk operating on me due to my weight but also he said it won't mend the problem as I have long term damage. 


I am not looking forwarded to my scan as before I had open ones at Shirley Oaks Hospital in Croydon and Coventry Uni doesn't I have just emailed my Dr asking if I can go to them as I would feel much more at ease and after having 3 done I know the staff and my husband was able to come in with me and chat to me

October 2011

Well been a while since I updated this lots has happened I have been told by my gp I have depression which i kind of knew who wouldn't with my condition and what I have been through in the last 4 years. Gosh has it really been that long since I was diagnosed with CES and I feel like I am going back to square one.
For one I am on antibiotics now to keep my UTI at bay as I have had 5 this year. They think its down to me wearing pads 24/7 as I am drinking and have decaf tea I use wipes instead of toilet roll. Its been a busy month this month as had many clinic appointments have had my feet checked with the sensation test and I do have little movement and senses on my left foot and leg. Which I already knew both my podiatrist nurse and continuance nurse have said I need to see a neurologist the last time I saw one was just after I had surgery to see if it had worked. I have also be advised to wear my splits again as I still have a dropped foot as she tested the strength by holding my foot and me pulling away from her and I couldn't do it with my left foot.
as well as them saying just for them to notice I am here so if the right disc does get worse I can see them instead of going back down to Kent where my doctor there will moan about my weight again.

Here is my  measurements which are really good
11/10/2010 first one
Weight 148.1 kg
BMI 57.7
Bust 59.2 inches
Waist 54.2 inches
Abdomen 60.4 inches
Hips 59 inches
RT thigh 29 inc
LT thigh 30 inch
RT arm 19 inch

27/1/2011 2nd one
Weight 152.2 kg
BMI 51.1
Bust 59.2 inch
Waist 54.2 inch
Abdomen 59 inch
Hips 58 inch
RT thigh 29
LT thigh 30
RT arm 19
LT arm 19

21/4/2011 3rd one
Weight 150.6
BMI 50.6
Bust 59.50 inch
Waist 54.50 inch
Abdomen 59.50 inch
Hips 58.25 inch
RT thigh 29.25
LT thigh 18.25 inch
RT arm  19.50 inch
LT arm 18.59 inch

4/8/2011 4th one
Weight 147.7 kg
BMI 49.6
Bust 58 inch
Abdomen 59 inch
Hips 57 inch
RT thigh 29 inch
LT thigh 30 inch
RT arm 19 inch
LT arm 18 inch

Its great seeing that the inches are coming off even if the weight is up and down not long till I see my dietian again got 4 weeks and want to lose at least 7 kg as then I would of lost over a stone since joining the club.

Jan 2011

Well here we are in another new year gone by with no improvement which is exstremely frustracting.
Nothing has been doen on the swollen disc still there, still giving me pain and discomfort.

I finally went in to this gym called Gymophobics I kept walking past it in town but never went in.
So mid October last year I did and I have to say I am glad I took that step. I started off slow only going in twice a week and now I am three times a week which I feel is a little to much as at the end of the week I am in so much pain where I spend the morning in bed till the pain killers work.

I am still not losing weight so this friday I am off to see someone at the hospital to find out why.
I am doing a 9 day food diary but looking at it nothing there I can see that is making me stay put or even put on. I have been eating loads of fruit which has helpped me to go to the loo most days better than it used to be.

I think this year I am more focus on losing my weight than I have been in the past. As this year we both want to try to have a baby. But I have a long way to go but I am aiming for Aug.

This tursday I have my first gym assessment since joining to see how I am doing and also have weight and measurements done. I am just feeling so low at the moment I don't think its like everyone says its this time of year. I think its more the fact its been 4 years now since all my problems began and that time I am still over weight.

Life is good I can't complain about that really I have a wonderful husband who gives me so much love and support. I just want to give something back by having a baby.
I keep dreaming about it I find myself on baby websites looking at things and have pictures of my friends baby on our fridge she has also been great sending me these to help me get there.
A little reminder of the reasons why I am doing this.